In Sickness and in Health

"do you take this man for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health..."

While we wrote our own vows for our ceremony, when Sweet Baboo & I attend a wedding, we inevitably hold hands, mouth the words of the traditional vows and give each other's hands a squeeze, reaffirming our commitment to each other. It is one of my favorite things about going to weddings - and while, the bride & grooom think it's their day, in some ways it is ours, our "first day of the rest of our lives" together.

In sickness and in health takes on such a different meaning when it's your baby who is sick. I don't know that I ever realized just how consuming it is to have a sick child. A few weeks ago Little Bit got what we assumed to be "just a cold", which included a very phlegmy cough. Suddenly the little boy who's been sleeping through the night consistently for a couple months was up during the night, coughing, crying, and sounding miserable... night after night I would pick him up and walk with him, then take him back to bed with me - where I could prop him on my arm to be sure his head remained elevated, and try to comfort the poor suffering kiddo.

The cold developed into bronchitis, so daycare was out, and we started into a busy week at work with a sick baby in tow, sleepless nights, more medications... when finally, mercifully, it broke. Little Bit & I enjoyed some much-needed sleep and started breathing easier. Sweet Baboo was wonderful throughout the ordeal, but at times it was obvious that Little Bit only wanted Mama.

I have never before realized just how much it takes out of a person to handle a sick child. With all Little Bit's health concerns (he has Downs, was born with 2 holes in his heart- 1 of which has closed, has a moderate hearing loss in one ear, has a herniated belly button, suffers ezcema, has been congested his whole life & may have some breathing issues), really, overall he's a happy baby and fairly healthy.

How do parents cope when their child is really ill? suffering for months? years? I can only think it's the grace of God that carried us through, and our battle was a short one... all things considered. I'm grateful to have come through the other side of this battle, but weary and a little sick myself. Thankfully the Lord is there for me in this too :~)

Running the Race... for the Next Generation

This is all the inheritance I can give to my dear family. The religion of
Christ can give them one which will make them rich indeed.
- Patrick Henry
http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-dont-in-any-way-follow-football-but.html
I read this excellent blog, as recommended by a friend last week. It's pretty
convicting! The whole theme of the article is about following the Lord with
excellence. About running the race to win and how feeble efforts won't help us
successfully complete the race. In reading the article, I was convicted that
it's not just me that's effected by my poor discipline... what am I demonstrating
to Little Bit? Am I clearly showing that Jesus is worthy of my time, my effort,
my money? Am I demonstrating His love and care for the people around us? our
neighbors? folks at church? his parents?

We still don't know how long we'll have the privilege of raising this little one,
but no matter how long or short the time, he's clearly watching us now. He's very
interested in everything we do - and especially interested in watching everything
we eat :~) So, what is he watching? Does he see "parents" who love the Lord, worship,
treasure the Bible, and help others? If that's the kind of believer I want to be,
and the kind of believer I hope he will be when full grown then it's clear I need
to take my instruction from the Hebrew Sh'ma (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
"Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the
LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And
you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you
today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you
are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and
when you are getting up again. Tie them to your hands as a reminder, and wear
them on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your
gates. 

I'm Going Have to Stop Calling Him "Little Bit"

He's growing up so fast! We started rice cereal on Tuesday & applesauce on Friday... and he's definitely acting like he would prefer to eat with a spoon all the time! Monday we'll try bananas... I just can't wait. This is a great adventure.

My sister-in-law gave us a Magic Bullet for Christmas. She made her own baby food for the girls when they were little & she thought we might enjoy trying it out. So, if anyone out there has any baby food making tips, please lay 'em on me!

The sad part of him growing so quickly is that we've come to the point when he will have to go into daycare. He's needing so much more attention than I can reasonably give him at work... and I guess I have to stop dragging my feet on the issue. We toured a place we like that is close to my office, has a caring staff & is part of the agency that provides Little Bit's speech therapy & physical therapy, so we believe they are better equipped to deal with his special needs than any number of other places might be.

One of the things I'm learning through all this is how to deal with unmet & unreasonable expectations... I swore I would NEVER put my kids in daycare & now find myself in the position of having to do it. I think this is the biggest thing holding me back from placing him - getting past the idea of someone else caring for "my" child and the very real probability that someone else will be the one to witness his "firsts"... Realistically, I should take all these feelings and use them as motivation to pray for his parents, who are missing ALL his "firsts"... after all, God wants to use all the situations in my life to make me more like Jesus, and caring about their needs is something He would do, right?

I Just Can't Wait...

For a few weeks my mantra was "I just can't wait... until the holidays are over and I have some free time." Then Little Bit got sick and I started saying "I just can't wait... til he's less fussy and things get back to normal." And now I find myself thinking "I just can't wait... til all the extra hours to complete tax prep at church are over so Sweet Baboo and I can get home from work at a decent hour." It seems like I'm just living life in hope of tomorrow... and missing out on the here and now! I'm starting to realize the truth of the scripture,

James 4:13-15 Look here, you people who say, "Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit." How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog – it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that."

I keep thinking that I'll have more time to do housework, catch up on my reading, write something on my blog, finish that craft project, at some "magical" point in the future when whatever date has passed by, or when some hinderance has been removed, or I finally "feel" motivated :~) But, really the time to live life is now, in this moment & the Lord is looking to meet me in the midst of the holiday chaos, while I'm holding a sick baby, during tax prep, at all times!

And, isn't that the good news? That God doesn't wait until we have our acts together, but in His grace & mercy He reaches out to us where we are and chooses to call us to Himself. Thank God!

Exhaustion versus “Life, the Universe, & Everything”

Those who know me well know that, unlike Lilypad the Beagle, I am not a true optimist. I can, occasionally, see the good in difficulty & will once in a while have the grace to believe the best about someone's motives when things don't seem right... but, those are not my natural tendencies. By nature, I am somewhat cynical & distrusting, negative & moody. If it weren't for God in my life, I know these would be the characteristics everyone would see in me all the time.

I am wondering… how much of my current view of the world is tainted by exhaustion? I am beat-down, dragging myself along, on the verge of tears exhausted… and I realize this is a fairly common condition for parents of 3-month old babies. Now, those who have followed this blog know that “my” baby is actually a “loaner” while his parents deal with some critical issues at home – and I’m still working full time at an under-staffed not-for-profit entity while caring for him.

As I continue in this state of exhaustion, I’ve come to realize that things get worse when I consider all the things I can’t keep up with. My viewpoint becomes more negative. I feel like an utter, abysmal failure at home (because I can’t keep up with my housework, haven’t cooked many decent meals in the last couple months), at my marriage (because I can’t devote as much time & effort), at my job (because I’m constantly distracted by Little Bit’s need for food, cuddles, & dry diapers – so fall behind on projects & work a lot of overtime trying to make up for it), in mothering (because Little Bit is stuck at the office even longer & gets distracted attention from me while I’m on the phone or working on things), and at life in general (because I’m not keeping up with daily disciplines, am having some health issues & I don’t see things changing any time soon).

A good friend emailed me some encouraging scriptures she received in an email (from John Piper’s ministry “Desiring God”) the other day as a reminder to seek the Lord & to trust Him. It was good medicine to help counteract all the troubles I am most likely to dwell upon. Here are several that may encourage you too:

Promises of Answered Prayer to Encourage Us to Pray with Hope

Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart,”

Matthew 7:7-11 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

Isaiah 65:24 “Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.”

Lamentations 3:25 “The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

Psalm 145:18-19 “The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 19 He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.”

James 4:8 “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”

Psalm 37:4-5 “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.”

Psalm 50:15 “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”