The Waiting is the Hardest Part?

Perhaps the waiting is the hardest part... at least for someone who possesses as little patience as I do. Yesterday I had yet another d&c so my endometrial lining could be biopsied, again. This time it was to evaluate how well I responded to a 6 month hormone therapy that was intended to halt recurrent growth of pre-cancerous tissue. It is a sad thing to realize that even this drastic measure is just intended to "buy time", and that these treatments aren't a cure. Hopefully... prayerfully... they are enough to allow us a window of opportunity to try for more kids. And we have learned that at this point, we cannot rely on science to "boost our chances", because my condition is exponentially worsened by use of fertility drugs.

It is (as it always has been) in God's hands.

So, we pray... as we always have, but perhaps with a deeper understanding that we cannot "make it happen". We have drawn our line in the sand... if the biopsy is questionable then we proceed with a hysterectomy; if it is favorable, we have a little fun and hope for the best... We won't know until my follow-up appointment just how long we can go until needing to follow up with another biopsy. But, as long as I can keep my womb I have hope that it could happen. I'm still younger than Sarah! And, at this ripe old age (43) I'm hoping for just one more pregnancy (for twins) before this season comes to an end. It is a bold thing to ask, but I will ask it just the same, knowing my God is able to do even more than I would dare to ask (Ephe 3:20).

We'll see what comes next, but I one thing I know for sure, God is there with me and His plan is for my best, even if it does not unfold in the way I think I would prefer.