Thoughts on Beauty

Good friends of mine have started an outreach to pre-teen & teenage girls. It's exciting & everyone involved is a buzz with the creative energy that often accompanies new projects. I'm not directly working with the group, as much as a "support" person for them, and I still find myself thinking about their "stuff" quite a bit these days. The group is starting out with discussions on the theme of beauty, so I thought I would put some of my own thoughts down and ask for yours too :~)

I might have a different eye for beauty than the average American consumer, as my idea of beauty is not entirely devoted to the shiny & new, the latest fashion, or the popular ideas of the day (not that I'm some sort of hippie!) I follow the styles closely enough to not stick out & embarrass my friends and family, but not so closely that it's impossible to shop at Goodwill.

What do you find beautiful? Here are some of the things that thrill my heart:

• Watching my parents walking hand-in-hand. They'll celebrate their 50th anniversary next year and are already excitedly considering just how to commemorate the occasion!
• The look of quiet confidence and joy in my husband's eyes when I tell him "I love you" for about the millionth time!
  
• Seeing Little Bit finally settle in to a nap in my arms, forehead damp with fever, tear stains on his cheeks, but at peace with Mama.
• The little white spot on Lilypad's head that I'm sure Jesus put there as an indication that Mama should give her kisses, right there.
• Catching my good friend being kissed by her husband when they first arrived somewhere separately and didn't know I was watching.
• Seeing an older woman friend reach out & help others, while never letting on just how exhausted she is; just so she can be "Jesus' hands" in touching people's lives.

I think most of my stuff boils down to (what I hope is) an improved paraphrase of a movie quote, "Beauty is, as Beauty does".

Testing the Limits

Last night Little Bit stood in front of me while I was seated in my favorite living room recliner and was playing his "so big" game. He loves to put his hands up hi to signal that he is "so big" and has started doing it with one hand when holding on to something in a standing position. He's gotten really good at standing with just one hand holding on & can switch back and forth pretty easily now. Last night he started to test the limits. Right hand up, Left hand up, BOTH hands up! He wobbled a little bit, caught himself on my knees and proceeded to try it again and again.

I wonder just how often my Father God looks at me standing around, holding on to various types of "support", waiting to gather up the nerve to let go and stand on my own 2 feet without the props I would usually use (my knowledge, my experience, my maturity (haha)...). I can imagine a very happy Dad watching His little girl learning to do something new, something He's known she could do, but she needed to discover for herself was actually possible... and had to step out in faith to accomplish.

Preaching to Myself

I recently shared some thoughts to encourage a friend, and found that the Lord was using my own words to speak to me about something I was struggling with! So, I thought I'd put those thoughts here, as a reminder to myself, and perhaps an encouragement to anyone who happens across this entry:

The Lord is faithful! I have been recently meditating on a verse my old college pastor shared the last time he visited my current church, “God is good and He does good”.

I'm also thinking about Philippians 4:4-9 (ESV) “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

The Lord knows that our minds tend to go to “unhealthy places” if left to their own devices (I am speaking from 42 years of experience here!), but if we are to worship Him with all our hearts, all our souls, all our strength & all our MINDS then we need to discipline our thoughts. The devil would love to keep you & me trapped in all the “what ifs” and trying to figure our way out of them… I won’t burden you with my latest batch of them… but we are to “Rejoice in the Lord” - it doesn’t say “rejoice in your circumstances” the Lord knows the circumstances aren’t always lovely… but we can still REJOICE in His presence, in His promises, in His faithfulness, in His care for us, in His ability to carry us though – He is the God of the entire universe, yet He cares for you, and knows the number of hairs on your head (and has adjusted the count to subtract the few you’ve pulled out during this recent trial!). If we think on these lovely, excellent, praise-worthy things, then the God of peace will be with us – and that’s what we really need! His presence and His peace – great promises! AND, isn’t it wonderful that He thought to promise them long before we even realized we would need them :~) We’ve got a good Dad – He is good & He does good!

less of me, MORE of HIM

It's been quite a while since I've taken the time to blog, or taken the time for many of the things I enjoy doing. Life is good, life is busy, life is tiring... but that's the life of a mom :~)

Little Bit has had his share of ups & downs. My last blog was written shortly after we started a real roller-coaster of him getting bronchitis every 4 weeks! He'd have about 2 good weeks when he would start eating again & be a happy little boy... then the cough would start up, and the congestion would worsen, until we reached the point that he was bad enough to get extra medication (and another round of antibiotics) to help knock it down. He's now 20 months old. We've now been through 8 rounds of bronchitis, 3 upper respiratory infections, 2 sinus infections, 2 ear infections, roseola, and have cut our first 3 molars.

It's not all bad, though, there have been good reports too. The second hole in his heart closed up (miraculously), so he not only escaped surgery, but the cardiologist said his heart is "completely normal & he doesn't need to come back to see us any longer". He had bronchitis far less often this winter than last. He's adjusting well to his hearing aids (which he's had for a year now). He's made great progress with self-feeding and is almost off baby food. And, his eye doctor said he found no signs of any of the eye problems that are typically associated with Down's Syndrome!

Little Bit is a happy-go-lucky guy most of the time, and is a real flirt any time a pretty girl (of any age) is in the vicinity! At 20 months he is still not standing alone or walking. He doesn't crawl, but scoots very quickly - and can often make it across the room to dump out the dog's water dish before I can catch him! He enjoys trying things for himself, and has some very strong likes & dislikes - especially with food. His personality is really starting to come forth & he can be quite strong willed, and is starting to get frustrated when he's not understood.

Through all my interactions with dear Little Bit, I'm really starting to understand that we are all born heathens... and would remain that way if God didn't have mercy on us! Training this special child to do the right thing & obey parents and teachers has been a wonderful reminder that the Lord has exhibited great patience with me... and that I need to set the same example, of a loving but firm parent who wants the best for my child. Sometimes that includes saying "no" repeatedly when he's really determined to do something that I don't want him to do, and having to repeat the same lesson later the same day... he'll get it eventually!

Thankfully, he is getting a lot of therapy to help him and has a teacher of the deaf working with him every week. Sweet Baboo & I both know some sign language and were thrilled when Little Bit started signing "amen" at the end of grace. He's starting to pick up on the fact that he can talk with his hands, so we're hoping it will help him communicate with us. He loves to tease Sweet Baboo by signing "Mama" to him instead of "Dada"... of course, at this point "Mama" means Mama or Dada, it means I want to be picked up, I want more of that food, Please pay attention to me, etc. Amazing how one word can convey so much meaning :~)

Little Bit's parents have been making progress in recovering from their addictions and trying to establish a stable home environment in the hopes that they will be able to gain custody of him (which they lost at birth) and an older sibling. We expect that they will have visitation rights increased steadily over the next several months & that Little Bit may go to live with them by the end of the year. Their family still has a lot of issues to grapple with and will continue to have to deal with them for years to come.

My prayer through this journey is, "Lord, let whatever is best for Little Bit happen". It is easy to see what I think is best for me... who would ever wish to face the heartache of having a long-awaited child removed from their arms? And yet, it is what we agreed to at the very beginning, fully realizing that the Lord has done far more for us. How could we do anything less than what He's asked? We owe Him a debt of love.

In Sickness and in Health

"do you take this man for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health..."

While we wrote our own vows for our ceremony, when Sweet Baboo & I attend a wedding, we inevitably hold hands, mouth the words of the traditional vows and give each other's hands a squeeze, reaffirming our commitment to each other. It is one of my favorite things about going to weddings - and while, the bride & grooom think it's their day, in some ways it is ours, our "first day of the rest of our lives" together.

In sickness and in health takes on such a different meaning when it's your baby who is sick. I don't know that I ever realized just how consuming it is to have a sick child. A few weeks ago Little Bit got what we assumed to be "just a cold", which included a very phlegmy cough. Suddenly the little boy who's been sleeping through the night consistently for a couple months was up during the night, coughing, crying, and sounding miserable... night after night I would pick him up and walk with him, then take him back to bed with me - where I could prop him on my arm to be sure his head remained elevated, and try to comfort the poor suffering kiddo.

The cold developed into bronchitis, so daycare was out, and we started into a busy week at work with a sick baby in tow, sleepless nights, more medications... when finally, mercifully, it broke. Little Bit & I enjoyed some much-needed sleep and started breathing easier. Sweet Baboo was wonderful throughout the ordeal, but at times it was obvious that Little Bit only wanted Mama.

I have never before realized just how much it takes out of a person to handle a sick child. With all Little Bit's health concerns (he has Downs, was born with 2 holes in his heart- 1 of which has closed, has a moderate hearing loss in one ear, has a herniated belly button, suffers ezcema, has been congested his whole life & may have some breathing issues), really, overall he's a happy baby and fairly healthy.

How do parents cope when their child is really ill? suffering for months? years? I can only think it's the grace of God that carried us through, and our battle was a short one... all things considered. I'm grateful to have come through the other side of this battle, but weary and a little sick myself. Thankfully the Lord is there for me in this too :~)

Running the Race... for the Next Generation

This is all the inheritance I can give to my dear family. The religion of
Christ can give them one which will make them rich indeed.
- Patrick Henry
http://teampyro.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-dont-in-any-way-follow-football-but.html
I read this excellent blog, as recommended by a friend last week. It's pretty
convicting! The whole theme of the article is about following the Lord with
excellence. About running the race to win and how feeble efforts won't help us
successfully complete the race. In reading the article, I was convicted that
it's not just me that's effected by my poor discipline... what am I demonstrating
to Little Bit? Am I clearly showing that Jesus is worthy of my time, my effort,
my money? Am I demonstrating His love and care for the people around us? our
neighbors? folks at church? his parents?

We still don't know how long we'll have the privilege of raising this little one,
but no matter how long or short the time, he's clearly watching us now. He's very
interested in everything we do - and especially interested in watching everything
we eat :~) So, what is he watching? Does he see "parents" who love the Lord, worship,
treasure the Bible, and help others? If that's the kind of believer I want to be,
and the kind of believer I hope he will be when full grown then it's clear I need
to take my instruction from the Hebrew Sh'ma (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
"Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the
LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And
you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you
today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you
are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and
when you are getting up again. Tie them to your hands as a reminder, and wear
them on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your
gates. 

I'm Going Have to Stop Calling Him "Little Bit"

He's growing up so fast! We started rice cereal on Tuesday & applesauce on Friday... and he's definitely acting like he would prefer to eat with a spoon all the time! Monday we'll try bananas... I just can't wait. This is a great adventure.

My sister-in-law gave us a Magic Bullet for Christmas. She made her own baby food for the girls when they were little & she thought we might enjoy trying it out. So, if anyone out there has any baby food making tips, please lay 'em on me!

The sad part of him growing so quickly is that we've come to the point when he will have to go into daycare. He's needing so much more attention than I can reasonably give him at work... and I guess I have to stop dragging my feet on the issue. We toured a place we like that is close to my office, has a caring staff & is part of the agency that provides Little Bit's speech therapy & physical therapy, so we believe they are better equipped to deal with his special needs than any number of other places might be.

One of the things I'm learning through all this is how to deal with unmet & unreasonable expectations... I swore I would NEVER put my kids in daycare & now find myself in the position of having to do it. I think this is the biggest thing holding me back from placing him - getting past the idea of someone else caring for "my" child and the very real probability that someone else will be the one to witness his "firsts"... Realistically, I should take all these feelings and use them as motivation to pray for his parents, who are missing ALL his "firsts"... after all, God wants to use all the situations in my life to make me more like Jesus, and caring about their needs is something He would do, right?