My Remarkably Unremarkable Mother's Day

True confession: for years I have dreaded Mother's Day. And not just the day itself, this dread would begin a couple weeks before the holiday and intensify until the day had passed. The last 2 years seemed to be something of a temporary reprieve with Little Bit in tow and everyone universally wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day", with only a few people tacking on something like, "tho you're not really a mom". So, now that our family has noticably shrunk, I had to wonder, "what would this Mother's day bring?"

Last week I received prayer at church for on-going medical issues and strange new side effects I've experienced while on meds that I've taken before. I didn't think too much about it afterward, but am now remembering that one of my pastors specifically prayed that I would have peace.

The week before Mother's Day passed quickly, and though I was keenly aware the day was coming, the familiar torment didn't arrive on its usual schedule. I'm sure it didn't hurt that I had plenty to keep busy with, and was starting to think that must be why this year was going so well... but, in all reality, I know the depths of my hurt and the seeming torture it has been in years past to simply walk in the doors of church and hear well-meaning folks say, "Happy Mother's Day, even though you're not a mother". I know just how often I've had to bite my tongue and not make some angry reply about just how many children I've lost. Then, I would have to walk past the usher handing moms a flower, and listen to a message about how much honor and praise these women deserve. Since Mother's Day is always on a Sunday, it's been a long-held temptation to skip church, but that's not something I feel comfortable doing either.

For me Mother's Day wasn't about Moms, and in a way it wasn't about me either, but the day had strangely morphed into a type of Memorial Day in which the loss of each child would come crashing back to overwhelm me anew.

This year, it wasn't about me, it wasn't about my children in heaven, it wasn't about Little Bit (whose parents have cut off contact with us), it wasn't about mourning my losses. It became a day that was about our Moms. We planned time with each of our Moms, we cooked a meal for each of them and spend time with them and just enjoyed being with them and getting to spoil them a little. It was just the right way to spend the weekend and seemed to be the perfect way to bless our 2 Moms.

I don't know how things will go with the passage of time, but I do know this, we are in that peaceful eye in the middle of a storm. We are in the midst of this time when we have suffered loss in the generation ahead of us (Sweet Baboo's Dad has been gone just one month) and the generation to follow (we miss Little Bit more than mere words could ever convey); yet in the middle of all this, the Lord has graciously bestowed that peace which surpasses our understanding and bears us through.